Negotiating with doves.

Hi Calypso! I know you don't mind if we write here. Last night we camped out there, our beautiful land. We have no name for our land yet. A name will come. We were very scared. It's a very serious business, the first night, on the land we belong to.

Land is a marriage for us. It isn't property.
There are frogs! Yes, many. It is a swamp, after all.

Gray made our outdoor fire from a 1950's Simpson double-chambered washing machine. He had to angle-grind slots for the ash to fall through. He asked us to choose the spot. We would have very much liked to help dig, but we are so weak with this injury. It is very frustrating. It is sad that our incapacity seems to assist our relationship with Gray, but perhaps it is only sad because of a word trap. Perhaps I can recognise (and we, Hinchinbrook in general) something from this temporary incapacity, that might allow us to find a way to be strong and physically capable and still work in harmony with Gray. It hasn't yet happenned. We first reached despair about it, three years on, four years on - by the River, it was, I remember that moment - when I realised that we can't even carry a canoe together. Now we seem to have passed through despair to another place in our response to it. Given that we realise the truth that it is impossible to change another we still try to change our own behaviour to change the circumstances of this great sorrow in our life. Knowing also that a truth spoken is a truth halved, I try not to express this situation at length. I don't know how this entry happenned! I hope it will be kept.
To return to the evening just passed, then, Gray dug in the place we chose and set the washing machine drum in the sand, quite deep. The second chamber is where the kindling goes and later, the logs. There is a snug fitting lid. It worked brilliantly, even with wet wood, and we cooked our dinner on a barbeque plate - spring onions, tomato, mushroom, capsicum and (for those that do) free range chicken. Later we had pecan pie and tea together. Gray has been recording creature sounds for his job. I worked on a short story we are writing (with Castle) for the writing workshop coming up soon. I watched the same sky my Nana showed me as child. I know these stars as well as I do the night skies of Hinchinbrook, my other home, in two places. I watched the transit of Venus and took bearings (like the sailors do) from the Southern Cross. The stars were bright. On a piece of paper I wrote down words and secrets I wished to be rid of and put this in the fire. On another piece I wrote hopes and longings that I wish to be fulfilled and I also put this in the fire. I was happy with my progress on the story. "Negotiating with doves". We slept in the tent that we travelled around Australia in. Our mats and sleeping bags are amazing. Comfortable and warm. There was a weeping sound from far away in the middle of the darkness. Feminine. Lying still, together, in bed, we could hear the distant roar of that cold and tumultuous ocean. No gentle lapping to these shores.

100% nuts.

This is my new 'hello, I'm online, want to talk?' signal at chat, are you ready for it?
Coz here it is.
It's %. Yep that's it.
%
See, it's me peaking my head up from under the table.
See my cute little eyes, and my nice straight nose.
And such a jaunty little angle.

One month on.

Today was the first day I've danced since June 22nd. There was a "Day of Dance" at the Bugsplat Sport's Club. It was very challenging. There was too much attention on me and my brace. I made jokes to deflect sympathy. I wish it were like it is in our culture where it is rude to discuss difference or illness unless the afflicted raise the topic. I know, because the Herrings explain it to me, that it comes from a very particular anglo saxon colonial history and that I'm reacting to that rather than to the genuine concern of my fellow dancers but I do hate the attention so much. I made jokes about my brace, and called it a corset. People who are really shy, like me, have to pretend not to be. That's safer. I know that I use my charm to control social situations because I am frightened of any social situations that I don't control. I know all that. I don't give myself a hard time about it because I'm also very loving and gentle and respectful of others. So, usually, unless I'm with someone who leans of the exact same strategy as I do, I'm an energy-giver in a group and people love being near me.
It was Nadia's birthday present to me, this day of dance.
I really liked the teacher. My most devoted student Zil was there and I realised immediately that unlike other situations I've been in - like the dance day at Littlesplat recently, I would not have to protect my students at all, and it was just fine.
I haven't written a post like this for a long time. Shell is helping me type. Reading this over I feel dissatisfied. I don't feel as if I've expressed myself well. I read it over and it didn't feel like me. Perhaps this will take some time to happen. I do like my template. It's the same as the one at one of our other journals, "Wants a cracker". I like the yellow fruit picture too. I have a feeling these colours and that picture might encourage Hinchinbrook people to post here too, and I'm okay with that.