Miss Calypso's Dance Class

Mouth peace.

2010-06-30T13:08:00.000+07:00

Back. Back in front.

2010-04-26T17:18:00.001+07:00

How wonderful it is to be back!

No more head in the sand.

2010-01-31T20:12:00.003+07:00

On Wednesday I worked out the schedule perfectly.

It was easier than in other years.
I embraced the alternating fortnights solution.
It is a good move.

Alas, however fine my schedule has become, it may be irrelevant.

G. and me had "A Talk About Insurance.".

It doesn't matter how careful I am. Things can still go wrong.

And I might be covered, but I might not. It is all a bit hazy.
Tears lubricate transitions.
I have to give up my desire totally and just accept it.
We're still talking to the insurance companies involved.

Meh.

2010-01-17T20:05:00.000+07:00

Talk of a play.

We've written one.
"Brief History of Bellydance".

It's perfect for a small town theatrical production nation wide and could travel without much modification to NZ, Canada... and with some tweaks be U.K. ready or even U.S.A. ready...

But... what's the POINT???

I'm still not dancing at my peak.

But how?

2009-12-17T19:06:00.004+07:00

But how will I get to do this?

Brilliant, as usual.

2009-12-05T18:06:00.001+07:00

It's all going brilliantly with dance.

Three more sessions left before end of term.

What a great recovery from the break.

Back to front.

2009-11-08T19:55:00.000+07:00

Happy to be back, front.

At last, back.

2009-10-04T20:36:00.000+07:00

At last, a schedule. Yes. It begins again!

Butter on the door frames.

2009-07-03T19:37:00.001+07:00

One, two, four... FIVE Dancers...

On the head of a pin.

2009-05-21T16:21:00.000+07:00

Next weekend is a commitment... and then. Let's see how many angels we can cram onto this platform, I guess.

I don't know what I want from dance any more.

Twirl.

2009-01-16T15:44:00.001+07:00

Trouble summed up the last six months for me thus: two guest teachers, one private session and WAMED. And this is the year for me to perform in Northcliffe.

I'm nervous but okay about the direction we're taking.

Setbacks.

2008-06-29T18:18:00.002+07:00

I love language that uses the body. Handouts. Setbacks. Toe the line.

I love it.

I find that I use that language a lot more now I am a dancer than before when I was a... actually I don't know what I was. The "Kithkin" card in Magic Card was one of the first images I saw that really looked like me and I claimed it quick. I have always loved colour. When Francis (who was then perhaps a being who would later become Francis, Francesca, Frank and even Lowena: my family tree is as gnarled as the trees of the Bugsplat Fairy Swamp) and I (the I who would become Cotton Eyed Jo, and Callippy and me); when we split from each other it was like two colours emerging from one and I claimed my suite of greens and s/he claimed their suite of greens and we split and even now I could look at a paint chart and tell you who was who. I took on a lot of suffering, s/he took on a lot of leadership. I don't know why it went that way. We were only nine years old.

I was the only person in our system to understand rhythm. I was always the one people in my system would seek out for an intuitive answer. I was always markedly popular. People who knew us came to know me by name and ask for me. I understood the tarot. I was clever with fire and energy in a way that is unusual in this system though I never identified as a fire sign. I always accepted our water sign birth. I had my own boyfriend and I am still sweet on him. I was 14. It was a secret of sorts, but I regret nothing.

Setbacks.
Lately in my life there have been a few.
But I am back, now. To face the music.

*shimmy*

(Face the music, did you see what I did there??)

Calypso

Still away.

2008-06-29T10:04:00.002+07:00

She's still away.
I hope she comes back in time to teach next term.

Muscle.

2008-06-04T19:52:00.001+07:00

Going according to plan.

Back later, puppy to cuddle.

Goals and Theory (you can tell Trouble is involved, can't you?)

2008-05-23T19:19:00.003+07:00

So, I did accept the idea and we are in Term 2 and it is my term off.
No belly dance.
I was dubious but I thought why not it's worth a try.
And yesterday I was able to do some pilates poses that have eluded me for a year!
And I can feel a difference.
I pronounce the Term Off a great sucess, already, and look forward to further developments.
I love you belly dancers,
*shimmy*
Calypso

Notes from Trouble:

Goals: abdominal precision and strength

Theory: we have massive, strong thighs that are rather pushy when it comes to doing stuff for example normal people close a car door with their hands, we tend to swivel round and butt it shut, and we do that a lot, hold trays, doors, lift refrigerators, etc. with our MIGHTY THIGHS.. and they are very useful in belly dance.

However, we also want to use our belly and lower back in a precise and strong way and to achieve this we need to quit relying on the thighs for a while.

Teacher.

2008-04-04T20:18:00.002+07:00

Maybe i'm a better teacher now, i dunno. My new students seem to be learning so quickly. They're lovely too, I love them. That's as it should be. In that space, as their teacher, I love them. It's so obvious to me, not so much an intellectualised ethical choice but a deep in the bones knowledge that this is what a teacher must be, how a teacher must be. It's not sentimental: it's spiritual. It's not heroic either. It's quite ordinary. I have always been a good teacher.
In our system (polly) we've always recognised and valued good teachers because we rely on them all the time to teach us. All of us are better teachers because of this, but we believe teaching is a vocation and that while the skill can be developed and refined and while even the worst teachers can become better teachers there is such a thing as a natural teacher (like there is a natural healer or storyteller or entertainer) and we believe it's a worthwhile distinction to maintain. That vocation.
I'm a teacher. That means something in our system. There's a status to it.
I'm proud to be a good teacher.

*beam*
*shimmy*
And I had a great dance today with great attendance at both my morning and evening sessions.

Knee.

2008-03-07T20:31:00.003+07:00

I joked about my knee injury today - that I'd need another one if I became insufferable with confidence. I am feeling very happy with dancing. Dancing Monday afternoon, Wednesday evening, Friday morning and Friday evening is good for me. The feldenkrais helps a lot too. Pilates is okay too. The monday morning exercise class also okay. It's a good schedule with just enough activity for me. All pleasurable activity. Which is our philosophy.

I had a few moments of absolute gratitude for the knee injury today. It helps that both my knees are utterly perfect now - totally pain free and strong and flexible. The suffering was worth it to teach me these strange lessons of the knee. I hope I don't have to do that again for a while, but I am grateful even for the time in a brace and all the awful pain. It really has opened my heart to understand a very precise kind of suffering of others and I've come to understand something in my body too about knees and how to care for them. Perhaps I am a better teacher now I do hope so.

I love dance.

checking in

2008-02-17T18:21:00.002+07:00

let's see...

bellydance schedule is sorted at long last and looks good. There's four weekly classes (one with overlap of warm down/warm up which just happens to work brilliantly for this particular group) and one fortnightly that might become weekly and there's a possible two montly as well... trial basis.

That's a lot of classes and I'm branching out to Littlesplat.

Studying pilates, low impace standing exercises and feldenkreis. Yay.

Also Francesca is continuing with art. I've realised that she's the one who is doing most of the art although I do get involved a lot with colour. All fine. That's how we're made. All good.

in other news we are still deep in grief for our friend Andrew and often weep.

god grant him peace.
*giggle*
I typed peach! So now I think I'll say god grant him peaches and peace.

That's a happy image - Andrew munching on a juicy peach.

I slay my doubt, again.

2008-02-05T18:12:00.000+07:00

Q. How can you claim to be a belly dance teacher when you've never .... ??

(Insert whatever you like in there be it 'set foot in Egypt' or 'danced in a kebab joint' or 'studied anatomy' to 'have certification XYZ of module 27' and don't forget to add a sneer or three.)

A. I don't know.

I love you Trouble.

2007-11-25T21:20:00.000+07:00

I love my dancers.

And I should update this about my art project which was fine after all, and is done now. I'm still behind this term because of all the work Trouble has had at the office for which I thank her, especially since the money helps me so much. She's been great this entire year. Driving me everywhere for dance and art, getting me an easel and art supplies and helping me with organisation and invoices and things for my dancing.
I love Trouble.
A lot.
Our sister is visiting. It's going to be great.

New term, new students

2007-10-29T13:10:00.000+07:00

Term 4 is well under way now and there are two new students.

*shimmy*

Calypso

Ole!

2007-09-30T19:16:00.000+07:00

It was a great term with a fun finish.

And! We! Just! Noticed! We! Got! a Comment from Nudiemuse!!

Yay. Thank you Nudiemuse, we would love to see you in our class.

*beams*
*shimmy*

Metallic green

2007-08-24T22:33:00.000+07:00

I should report that the Top Mission to BySeaSplat was a great success.
Zil is a good driver and we had a fun day and we found a dozen identical tops (different sizes, roughly the right size spread) and that's been just fine.

Trouble finished the acquittal with help from Thea and Just Jo. Thank you all.

I like our new schedule a lot. Trouble goes to circuit training (I don't like it but I do like what it does for our pectoral muscles which would be better if they were stronger) on her very own night, no sharing with me, and that's working well. I have dance three times a week as teacher and once as a student, including a great night of teaching followed by study which is 3 hours of solid dance which is about how much I'd really like. I wonder how many students I'd need to be able to justify back to back classes?

Trouble, Angelata and Gray went shopping yesterday. In Bigsplat.
Trouble bought cherry red (and black) sportswear and a metallic green fitball and shell wanted to call the fitball Fitzwilliam because we just watched Bridget Jones (both of them) but everyone prefers Fritz. So that's its name.
I like it.
I had a fantastic dance this morning with a big class. So big that two of us had to share a mat. (There are five mats.)
That's a big class for Bugsplat.
God I love dance.

My art project is ready for me to begin and I'm a bit scared of the white space.
See you later.
*shimmy*

BySeaSplat or Bust.

2007-08-08T19:21:00.000+07:00

Zil and me have a mission. Mission Belly Dance Tops. We've got money. There are shops. Look at us go.

First class of Term 3.

2007-07-27T19:50:00.000+07:00

The first class of Term 3 went smoothly.
It's still me writing this, Trouble, but it was definitely Calypso who arrived to teach the class. At least, for most of it anyway. I might have done a little bit. But under her wing.
She's definitely back and it will be okay.
Yay.

Lunch with Zil.

2007-07-23T20:19:00.000+07:00

Things are looking up re belly dance.
Calypso (who isn't writing this, it's me Trouble) seems a little less despairing.
I had lunch with Zil and I've been organising Calypso's schedule.
I know she'll get there when it's time to just be there to teach dance.

And the costume project is going to be okay.
Zil was fine.

It's going to be okay.

A dozen divas.

2007-05-22T21:40:00.000+07:00

Things have been busy. Dance has been okay - the costume stuff has not been any fun. I feel hurt by the way it has all gone. Trouble is running it and saving my feelings a bit but I can still see a bit of it and know enough to feel sad about it.

People suck.

Calypso Grant.

2007-04-07T22:15:00.000+07:00

We are very lucky.

*shimmy*

Zil back, in great form.

2007-03-22T21:20:00.000+07:00

All is very well at belly dance - with lots of students in great form and good attendance and our various dance related projects (costumes, play) all coming along well.

Art class is also amazing with our end of semester project really coming to us clearly - we know what the concept is, and have some good key images in mind. As for techniques and materials.. not sure yet. Our latest drawing is a dancer. So, some cross over is occurring. However, it's not that surprising, as I am the artist and I'm the dancer. Just don't ask me to sing.
:)

Calypso.

Belly Dance Fever.

2007-03-06T13:03:00.000+07:00

Things have been a little strange around here.

We seem to be in the grip of Belly Dance Fever.

Not that I'm complaining...

Honey, hips don't lie.

2007-02-28T11:59:00.000+07:00

Dancing was great last night - it was troupe and Renee and Honey came. Zil and Noni both missed it, but sent apologies and promises. Yesterday morning's beginners class was good - 5 students. I don't want any more than that. My favourite class size is 4. 3 is fine, 5 is fine, 6 is too many and 3 is too few. Well, that's how I feel this week, anyway.

Honey wants us to dance to Hips Don't Lie, and is excited about white, red and black costumes. So, I'll take any enthusiasm I can get. And I'm just saying "sure, yeah, great, no problem". Plus Thea is totally besotted and won't let any of us say no to Honey ever anyway which is Just So Pathetic, Thea. Trouble wants me to write "Trouble is helpful" and, honey, I will! but you know, that sounds just like YOU. Don't you want me to say it my way????

*cough*

Trouble has been really helpful.

Conti & charcoal.

2007-02-21T07:56:00.000+07:00

Today is the third art class - last week's was quite good - it was about going from detail to simple. We drew flowers and fungi from photographs. It was fine. I was a bit nervous - thinking about Trouble's Farewell (which was last Saturday). Now that is over (it was better than fine and there was a hamper) and also, we got the grant in yesterday, so there is nothing loooooooooming.

On Sunday it was the first of the monthly Bugsplat Life Drawing Group that Trouble has helped me organise and Gray's friend Noel was the model. He chose one of my drawings as his favourite. Yay! He was a great model. The session went really well. Because I have worked for many, many years as a life model it was easy for me to suggest things and when a Very Naughty Lady took a photograph I was very firm and told her to erase it and gave a very short talk on life model etiquette. I have opinions about life model etiquette.

I hope my friends bud and shannon become (a) beautiful bellydancer(s)!

Dance has been really good so far. Trouble has been organising things like grant applications and collecting money and sign in sheets and bringing in suitcase of scarves and water and CD player and CDs and coin belts and zills and drum patterns etc. I am not so good at those things. Also, she drives me there. It's three times a week now and that's working fine.

Zil has returned. I'm glad.

Fabulousity.

2007-02-17T20:11:00.000+07:00

It's all going very well.
Three classes a week with the dancing! Lots of new dancers.

And tomorrow is our first life drawing group - that will be monthly.

Our friend Noel is the model. Trouble has done the paperwork and attendance sheets and invoices and stuff. Also Trouble is applying for grants for our bellydancing costumes.

*shimmy*

Shimmy!

2007-02-13T19:57:00.000+07:00

So. My knee is good - a little swollen but there is no pain. I gave two classes today; one in the morning and one in the evening. There's another scheduled for Thursday afternoon. Both classes went really well. There was fresh new energy from some new dancers in the morning, including two fitness instructors - they'll be useful if I decide (if Trouble decides!) to seek some kind of certification - I might need peer assesment. They were really nice too. And in the evening the troupe (except Zil) were all there - Nina, Raku and Honey.

Trouble has mended Things With Zil and Zil will be attending on Thursday.

I feel wonderful.

*shimmy!*

Art class back. Topic 1. Memory.

2007-02-07T21:15:00.000+07:00

Art Class is back. I love it, but I wish people would leave Trouble alone about her job.

They won't of course, as it's only natural to ask and wonder and ask overly personal questions. I still never really know what the boundaries are - what IS an overly personal question? I used to think ALL my family are Just So Rude, now I think it might be a habit of West Australians - to ask too much, too assume we're all the same, to assume too much, to be too familiar. I don't know. I don't feel West Australian. I'm a Queenslander. I'm from a rainy summer. Maybe it was too loud, the rain on the roof, the summer I was born, maybe nobody could be bothered making small talk, the summer I was born, in that monsoon. Maybe there were too many frogs and everyone was silent. Too tired to compete. I heard them through the phone line - my mum sounded tired, there have been more floods - but the frogs were singing their jubilent songs sung from the drains.

All those years and years (a lifetime) of taking my cues from others as to what is and isn't okay for people to ask me have not taught me anything useful about what is and isn't okay for people to ask me. People give themselves away if they think they're transgressing! If they think they're being fair and reasonable I have tended to assume they are. Then, in reaction to this pattern we've developed another - to be too defensive. I wasn't sure at Art Class whether it was a transgression for someone to ask "So, why did you resign?" but I didn't want to answer so I said "I'd rather not talk about it now." I hope that was okay.

Art class was about memory. We were shown photographs and then had to make a drawing. I was given a meadow full of flowers. Red dahlias, a lime tree, a copse of young karri, a paddock and a forest far away. I liked the buds atop gangling stems. I drew far too many of them and forgot most details of the blooms. I failed to convey the way the afternoon light lay heavy over the petals and leaves. I was distracted by the work talk and also by the possibility of work talk. By the resentment! I felt knowing I had to keep Trouble or Just Jo around in case questions came our way. They make unhelpful remarks. They don't mean to. I work best alone.

And soon, I hope, our situation will be less interesting to others.

Muffin meetings.

2007-02-07T08:53:00.000+07:00

Last Friday just gone Lilly & I went to Littlesplat for coffee and scones, and then to swim in the Karri Forest Lake, and she helped us organise a bit of a plan for ourselves. It looks to me as if I'll get support from polly to really chase dance for a while - Trouble is being very helpful on this front, and there's a lot of support for the ideas of me teaching dance, organising to study more dance, etc. etc. So, I am hoping that this will be the direction we take - that I'll be supported as I need to be to do this. I can't drive a car so I will need someone to do that for me and Trouble has been really present with me lately and will do that. I'm getting a lot of support for (as always) reasons other than love of the dance - but it doesn't really matter I guess.
I guess that's multifarious!

Nadia came around to visit with blueberry and apple muffins and we held an impromptu sub-committee meeting of the Bugsplat Arts Association in which I lobbied for support for my conquer-the-world-with-bellydance cause.
Good muffins.
At Trouble's suggestion, I even introduced myself by name, and that wasn't as hard as it might have been. Nadia has known for a long time and she comes to dance sometimes.

Then Lilly arrived by chance and also had muffins. So then I went to the Bugsplat Family Centre and pretty much secured their support too which means with two organisations supporting my proposal we're eligible for a lot more funding and we're more likely to get it.
Now I just have to make Just Jo, Trouble and Thea write the damn thing.
I've got to find out all the details of exactly what I want but my plan is pretty much - a costume making course, travel & accomodation allowances to study what I want to study in other places and to get guest teachers to Bugsplat to teach our group.

After a phone call to Leila, I stew.

2007-02-04T15:51:00.000+07:00

Another phonecall with Leila. Not so upsetting for Trouble this time - she's had time to adjust to the last one - the knowledge that she & Leila don't get along. It's not so terrible. There's goodwill, and that helps. Some people aren't right for each other as friends.
It's okay.

She gets along with plenty of people many of us find challenging. And who says that 'getting along' is inherently admirable. Not me. And I 'get along' with everybody. I'm everybody's favourite. And you know, sometimes that's fine, and sometimes, it's not. I like you Trouble, and I like Leila and I'm glad this phonecall hurt you less than the last one, and that you can see Leila is just missing her very best friend Just Jo. Less now, of course, as Just Jo seems very much set for a comeback to front. Perhaps.

Let's see here - Calypso (me), Miss Calypso Green. I am in the running again. I've done it before. I didn't last all that long - but I've realised that it was more my choice than I thought, that I could have stayed. So much depends on how we feel as people. That's what Gray was saying to you, Trouble, that you have nothing to be ashamed of - don't BE ashamed. Our machine (the space ship -don't touch that lever! - the mysterious device that runs things here) must to some extent believe what ever you believe about yourself as much as it does what others believe about you. So don't retreat, young man, Miss T. don't talk yourself into living in exile.
I think that is what Gray was hinting.

New journal.

2007-02-01T07:29:00.000+07:00

Trouble made me a livejournal where I can put all my bellydancing links. I'm not really 32! That is so we can remember what we wrote there as a birthday! I don't know how old I am. Maybe 16.

I'm not sure I like the colour scheme, and I want some pictures for myself too, but it is very good. I like. Thank you Trouble.

Zil better.

2007-01-30T19:39:00.000+07:00

So, it seems things are a bit better between us and Zil.
Thanks to Wes, partly.
*shimmy* for Wes!
Because I do think that our not drinking was translating to judging-her-for-drinking.
Or something like that.
And somehow, that all made it easier to forgive because we understood it so we had a nice time today when she came for tea and didn't demand to know why she'd been so horrible to us.
So, thank you!

Art and Dance Class.

2007-01-29T22:13:00.000+07:00

Next week Art Class will begin at 7pm.

I have some other plans too.
Bellydance will be three times a week.
People will pay by the term and/or week.
They can attend as many classes as they like for their term/week fees - Zil may wish to come to every class, Honey may wish to only attend one a week. Fees will be the same.
This is the way it is because IT WORKS FOR ME.
I shall go and put it to the Bugsplat Family Centre pronto.
Sunday afternoon (4pm - 5.30pm), Monday night (5- 6.30), Thursday mornings (1oam - 11.30) and Thursday evenings (7-8.30pm) .

Okay, maybe that's a little ambitious.

Thinking of you.

2007-01-24T07:31:00.000+07:00

Good luck, my buddy Trouble, I'm thinking of you.
Four days to go.
love from Calypso

Beach bus express.

2007-01-22T08:41:00.000+07:00

Lilly was at the beach yesterday with her son Mack. Nadia picked me up and I'll be taking her today. It's beautiful weather for beaching.

*splash*

Very strange.

2007-01-18T20:36:00.000+07:00

We had all assumed he'd get it - well, thea had joked;
'They're too stupid to know a good thing when they see one."

(that's kind of what she said :) *cough*)

and there was speculation that they (the Board) would be stupid.
They'd been pretty stupid with Trouble, after all.
But I don't think we ever really thought they'd be THAT stupid as to not give the job to Gray.

I feel a bit strange now. Unsettled.

I had a bit of a plan involving Gray being at work in the mornings which was to bellydance in the loungeroom at 10am every day he was at work. That was a kind of plan. Now I could still do it but it is always more difficult with Gray around. He might be doing something involving power points. I might feel shy.

We went to Bigsplat and (hi Shannon & bud! I love the beauty blog!) got our eyelashes tinted. Brown black. Mannie and Angelata have been having major money anxiety about losing our job and were not having much fun, so this was 15 minutes of tranquility. I don't know why but there's something so soothing about being groomed, isn't there?

I still feel a bit strange now.
Thank you for reading.
Here's something we've been thinking abour.

French philosopher André Comte-Sponville lists these as the great virtues: politeness, fidelity, prudence, temperance, courage, justice, generosity, compassion, mercy, gratitude, humility, simplicity, tolerance, purity, gentleness, good faith, humour and, finally, love (which transcends virtue).

Dance = enlightenment?

2007-01-15T09:42:00.000+07:00

After my knee injury I feel ashamed to teach.
Zil, Honey, Nadia, Rita, Rosa - I might have used different fake names for them earlier.
If you noticed, I'm amazed!
:)
They've all asked when dance will begin again... but I need space and time.
I wish there was a real teacher in Bugsplat. I'd love to be a student.
The trouble is ... Ramakrishna said:
One day as I was passing the Panchavati on my way to the pine-grove, I heard a bullfrog croaking. I thought it must have been seized by a snake. After some time, as I was coming back, I could still hear its terrified croaking. I looked to see what was the matter, and found that a water snake had seized it. The snake could neither swallow it nor give it up. So there was no end to the frog's suffering. I thought that had it been seized by a cobra it would have been silenced after three croaks at most. As it was only a water snake, both of them had to go through this agony. A man's ego is destroyed after three croaks, as it were, if he gets into the clutches of a real teacher. But if the teacher in an unripe one, then both the teacher and the disciple undergo endless suffering. The disciple cannot get rid either of his ego or of the shackles of the world. If a disciple falls into the clutches of an incompetent teacher, he doesn't attain liberation.

Lookeeeee!

2007-01-11T12:16:00.000+07:00

http://community.livejournal.com/bellydancing/

Dreams ahoy.

2006-12-31T21:26:00.000+07:00

I hope to:

1. Teach dance again!

2. Study art again.

I wish everyone a wonderful new year.
Thank you for reading.

Thank you three.

2006-12-19T08:33:00.000+07:00

red and silver belt that Gray's mum gave me
green harem pants
purple harem pants
white veil
red skirt

purple veil and all the beautiful silver jewellry that Terra gave me
silver hand jewellry that Sassy gave me
the beautiful jewellry that Margo gave me

Thank you three, again.

Suits for sale.

2006-12-06T12:43:00.000+07:00

We went out to our beautiful land for the first time in many months today. Francis and me, we pruned the fruit trees again and Francis spotted one tiny little apple. She said to pick it, and eat it, for luck, and I did. She said she didn't want the tree wasting strength on fruit this year and if the birds were to find it they'd be back again forever. She hopes to net them so they never become known to the birds. There are many, many beautiful birds who like to eat apples.

It was sour and crisp and so pretty! It was tiny. Not nearly ready, the size of a cherry.

What a time we've had of it lately.

My art teacher called me and I told him all about it, how we've resigned from work, and how I'll have a lot more time now, once it actually happens and I leave, to organise life drawing classes and all that.
My yoga teacher is back in town. I don't know if I'll be able to afford yoga now, now I have no job. Hmmm. It won't start until next year in any case. Not that I ever really HAD this job of Miss Trouble's! But I did have money for yoga. Thank you, Miss Trouble. You did a great job. I am so proud of you.

We have so many work clothes she has put them on a basket, on their hangers. A gray suit, a honey-coloured suit, a cherry suit. Lots of rather frumpy and sensible blouses. Trouble had a particular look s/he was aiming for - extra sensible. It's not a look we'll be needing any more. It's not a particularly comfortable look for us, but it worked for her. S/he liked it. If s/he was to really leave the country and go to work in the city, and be the front for 40 hours a week or more... we'd probably dress even more like a man. Would we bind our breasts? Take testosterone? No. We'd just do as we do now, I guess. S/he doesn't want to take our woman's life away, our history, and s/he identifies more as being a child of dungeon than with being male. There's no place for us to fit in anyway. And I'm sure it's a dead end, all that fitting in, anyway. Not that it's any less a road for that. They're all dead ends, in the end, after all.

What will we do without you driving us, Trouble?
What will you do without your job?
Will you stay with us, in this life, or go back to the dungeon?

Tell me, my buddy. I don't want you to go.

This should be a tricks, I guess, but callippy don't mind, do you sweetie?

2006-11-13T13:48:00.000+07:00

calypso: not at all. I'm involved too.

We've been reading "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" again and as usual it is dragging us back into our teens to the moments we first read it. Karenin*'s death surprised me this time, as I realised with a shock that the death of my sister Fiona's dog was almost identical in ceremony and that as my sister and I had been in intense negotiation at that point about the moral implications of euthanasia for her beloved dog it's likely that, unless she has also read the novel, at some point "I" (uil) described Karenin's death in detail.

I wonder if what happens when we read literature is that the episodic memory of the reading remains with the person who actually read the book, but perhaps the conversations afterwards might belong to someone else. Or, in this case, Francis heard about Karenin's death from whoever was reading the book at the time and without noticing anything else about the book she has taken that scene into her own memory.

We seem to store the story parts of novels seperately from any 'facts' we derive from them - with the facts often ending up being held in particular individual memory depending on their nature - so an interesting cultural gift or anecdote or tale-within-a-tale might make it to a person's own memory.

More later. This is a brooding in progress.
* the adorable dog named "Karenin" after Anna Karenina's husband Karenin and who is refered to as 'he' throughout the book. Karenin is actually a bitch - and there's a delightful scene (and fable about the innocence of animals) involving Tereza making homemade nappies for Karenin to wear when having his period.

Apple green cardigan.

2006-11-11T08:17:00.000+07:00

I too like the apple green cardigan, $6.50 at the Bigsplat Op Shop.

The last art class was Lilly en deshabille again this time in white conti on brown paper. The class before that was a landscape composition. I've noticed my work is influenced by the one original painting I own; a painting I call 'Missing Girl'. All those years of looking deep the brushstrokes of the cliff face and the sky, I suppose.

Nadia took me out to lunch on Thursday, the day of the apple green cardigan purchase and I told her about my trip to Italy. It was me, in Italy, mostly just me. Lucky me. If I never have any other life all of my own in this life, I will still have that time. Mine.

Happy New Dance.

2006-11-04T15:48:00.000+07:00

I am beginning to hope that I'll dance again next year.

My knee is getting better!

:)

Composition.

2006-10-25T19:40:00.000+07:00

Today's Art Class.... this blog should really be called "Miss Calypso's Art Class" - there hasn't been much dancing in it that's for sure, but I digress. I do that. Today's Art Class was about composition. It was great.

Also, there were Tim Tams.

That is all.

Three day week.

2006-10-20T07:52:00.000+07:00

It's Friday. She'll be working today and all weekend, then having a break, then working again.
There's too much work lately. We can't work this hard for long without losing it. I hope it will soon be over. Trouble is a stressed out little Manager.

This is mine.

2006-10-20T07:50:00.000+07:00

I put it in the wrong journal. This is mine.
It's about a friend of mine. I won't say who.
Not you, I'm sure!
:)

My darling jellyfish,

Long have I loved your elegant translucence and vulnerability.
I have watched you expand and contract seemlessly.
With majesty.
Your confidence; an algorithm.

I have watched your graceful ballet of milky and silver membranes,
offset by blue.
(And thought you most beautiful.)
(As I still do.)

I know, I know.
"I yam what I yam!"
Says the scorpion; "it is my nature."
Oh believe me, I know.

Jellyfish, oh jelly belly, my lovely!
Silver creature, my gem, my friend!

This can't go on.
I am strong but not made of stone.

Lilly en deshabille!

2006-10-18T20:26:00.000+07:00

Art class wasn't in the Don Bradman-Bugsplat Sports Centre as it usually is. That's coz the Don Bradman=Bugsplat Sports Centre has lots of windows. And children running around after their netball/basketball/cricket practice.

Instead we went to Gertrude's Gallery. Gerta is the artist in residence there, and also a very inspiring student in our class. She suggested her place on account of the absence of windows and children running about.

Now, why would an art class care about windows and children?

Yes, you guessed it, it's because tonight was LIFE MODEL NIGHT. Yay!

Our friend Lilly en deshabille!

It was fantastic to be on the other side of the canvas after all these years.

And it was great to be back in drawing land.

Spring.

2006-10-08T10:51:00.000+07:00

We had acupuncture in Hometown. Three sessions. The man's a genius. I think we're going to be able to avoid the operation. The improvement was immediate - mobility increased hugely, inches more on various stretches after the first session, and the pain that used to start at 2pm and continue until bed doesn't come on its own any more. It's there if we're bending or putting weight on it, but not if we're just still. That's a big improvement.

I danced at a wedding. The power went out so the guitar played played acoustic and we all huddled close. It was fantastic.

My knee is going to be okay.

I handed in my keys to the Bugsplat Family Centre on Thursday. I'm not going to teach yet. It's too soon. It's too hard. I think I just want to dance. I don't know how things will go here - where our life will go, how much time of it will be mine. I wish I could run away to the city and study dance with a good teacher. I wish I could dance every day.

Art class will start in a couple of weeks.
That will give me some time to think about things.

I don't like walking in the forest. I leave that to other girls. But I do like the colours I can see here. Everything is blooming. Wattle. Coral vine. Flame Pea. Bacon and Eggs. Wisteria. Hovea. Clematis.

Seven.

2006-09-10T12:46:00.000+07:00

We have an uncomplicated appreciation for Mum cooking in our kitchen.

10 sore knee blessings.

2006-08-21T11:08:00.000+07:00

1. We have had to slow down.
2. We have realised again that we will die one day.
3. I have realised again that dancing was only a ~way~ to there. Not the place itself.
4. Trouble has realised that work is not everything, and has had to be firm about hours.
5. Hinchinbrook people who are good at pain are back, being good at pain. While this is not good for our marriage, at least on the surface of it, it was wrong that they were so far away.
6. We've learnt a lot about how our friends respond to vulnerability and weakness.

That's all I can come up with.
I'll be back with number seven when it makes its presence felt.

Atmospheric effects.

2006-08-19T19:18:00.000+07:00

So. Things are not so good with the knee. We have given teaching a whirl and we're not ready yet. Might not be ready until after the knee operation we are ever more certain we'll be needing as we have made no progress at all in the last four weeks. I promise this next four weeks until assessment day to DO MY PHYSIOTHERAPY. Every day. Seven times a day each exercise. I have to give it one last chance to heal on its own.

This is Calypso, feeling so blue.

In happy news, we've learnt how to combine Lulu (what a shop!) shopping and credit cards.

In other happy news, we're loving our Art Class. Last Wednesday was Atmospheric Effects. I drew a cow, in the mist, with some distant mountains and broody looking afternoon light.
It was great.
There are a couple of annoying students. They indulge in a lot of negative self-talk and annoying criticism. It is extremely tedious.
It doesn't matter though. I just ignore them and create redemptive chaos anyway and say "god that was fantastic" as if I've just had an amazing shag at the end of every class.

Art = Better Than Sex.

Vanishing point.

2006-08-09T21:03:00.000+07:00

Art class was amazing. Hard. Really interesting. Lots of maths. No colour. I drew a toilet block from three different angles. All ugly. And a set of swings. I learnt a lot.

My knee hurts. A lot.

A shaky start.

2006-08-07T21:35:00.000+07:00

I didn't tell too many of the dancers about it, just started again, this evening. Zil was my only student. I was glad. I can't take the pressure right now. I only managed an hour, but that was okay. I think I'll go better next week. I didn't wear the brace.

It was really confronting to be unable to dance freely, back in my teaching space, on that wood floor where I've spun and shimmied and been so free. To be so frightened and to have to be so careful. It was really hard. I am so sad about my knee.

I got through it. It was okay. I'm not in that much pain. A bit. I'm really tired though and I'm pretty sad. I wish I could dance again, the way I could before I hurt my knee. I wish I could do my exercises. I wish my knee was okay. But it's not. And it might not ever be okay. And that's really scaring me.

Negotiating with doves.

2006-07-31T10:17:00.000+07:00

Hi Calypso! I know you don't mind if we write here. Last night we camped out there, our beautiful land. We have no name for our land yet. A name will come. We were very scared. It's a very serious business, the first night, on the land we belong to.

Land is a marriage for us. It isn't property.
There are frogs! Yes, many. It is a swamp, after all.

Gray made our outdoor fire from a 1950's Simpson double-chambered washing machine. He had to angle-grind slots for the ash to fall through. He asked us to choose the spot. We would have very much liked to help dig, but we are so weak with this injury. It is very frustrating. It is sad that our incapacity seems to assist our relationship with Gray, but perhaps it is only sad because of a word trap. Perhaps I can recognise (and we, Hinchinbrook in general) something from this temporary incapacity, that might allow us to find a way to be strong and physically capable and still work in harmony with Gray. It hasn't yet happenned. We first reached despair about it, three years on, four years on - by the River, it was, I remember that moment - when I realised that we can't even carry a canoe together. Now we seem to have passed through despair to another place in our response to it. Given that we realise the truth that it is impossible to change another we still try to change our own behaviour to change the circumstances of this great sorrow in our life. Knowing also that a truth spoken is a truth halved, I try not to express this situation at length. I don't know how this entry happenned! I hope it will be kept.
To return to the evening just passed, then, Gray dug in the place we chose and set the washing machine drum in the sand, quite deep. The second chamber is where the kindling goes and later, the logs. There is a snug fitting lid. It worked brilliantly, even with wet wood, and we cooked our dinner on a barbeque plate - spring onions, tomato, mushroom, capsicum and (for those that do) free range chicken. Later we had pecan pie and tea together. Gray has been recording creature sounds for his job. I worked on a short story we are writing (with Castle) for the writing workshop coming up soon. I watched the same sky my Nana showed me as child. I know these stars as well as I do the night skies of Hinchinbrook, my other home, in two places. I watched the transit of Venus and took bearings (like the sailors do) from the Southern Cross. The stars were bright. On a piece of paper I wrote down words and secrets I wished to be rid of and put this in the fire. On another piece I wrote hopes and longings that I wish to be fulfilled and I also put this in the fire. I was happy with my progress on the story. "Negotiating with doves". We slept in the tent that we travelled around Australia in. Our mats and sleeping bags are amazing. Comfortable and warm. There was a weeping sound from far away in the middle of the darkness. Feminine. Lying still, together, in bed, we could hear the distant roar of that cold and tumultuous ocean. No gentle lapping to these shores.

100% nuts.

2006-07-26T21:56:00.000+07:00

This is my new 'hello, I'm online, want to talk?' signal at chat, are you ready for it?
Coz here it is.
It's %. Yep that's it.
%
See, it's me peaking my head up from under the table.
See my cute little eyes, and my nice straight nose.
And such a jaunty little angle.

One month on.

2006-07-22T20:31:00.000+07:00

Today was the first day I've danced since June 22nd. There was a "Day of Dance" at the Bugsplat Sport's Club. It was very challenging. There was too much attention on me and my brace. I made jokes to deflect sympathy. I wish it were like it is in our culture where it is rude to discuss difference or illness unless the afflicted raise the topic. I know, because the Herrings explain it to me, that it comes from a very particular anglo saxon colonial history and that I'm reacting to that rather than to the genuine concern of my fellow dancers but I do hate the attention so much. I made jokes about my brace, and called it a corset. People who are really shy, like me, have to pretend not to be. That's safer. I know that I use my charm to control social situations because I am frightened of any social situations that I don't control. I know all that. I don't give myself a hard time about it because I'm also very loving and gentle and respectful of others. So, usually, unless I'm with someone who leans of the exact same strategy as I do, I'm an energy-giver in a group and people love being near me.
It was Nadia's birthday present to me, this day of dance.
I really liked the teacher. My most devoted student Zil was there and I realised immediately that unlike other situations I've been in - like the dance day at Littlesplat recently, I would not have to protect my students at all, and it was just fine.
I haven't written a post like this for a long time. Shell is helping me type. Reading this over I feel dissatisfied. I don't feel as if I've expressed myself well. I read it over and it didn't feel like me. Perhaps this will take some time to happen. I do like my template. It's the same as the one at one of our other journals, "Wants a cracker". I like the yellow fruit picture too. I have a feeling these colours and that picture might encourage Hinchinbrook people to post here too, and I'm okay with that.